A New Perspective

1 Sep

Classes started again this week and with them came a lot of emotions I didn’t see coming.  On the way to Oswego for my night class I couldn’t help but feel so discouraged.  How am I still in school? Why couldn’t I have graduated on time with all of my friends?  Ugh. I felt embarrassed and there wasn’t anybody in the car but me.  Driving through campus I saw kids walking up from the beach – still soaking wet from the water, laughing and so carefree.  I saw a pair of runners in their workout outfits pounding the pavement –  on the very path I used to run with my roommate.  I felt so sad.  It reminded me of how my life used to be – so unaffected by the rest of the world in this little bubble of college life.  It made me sad that that time in my life is gone. 

As I drove into the parking lot – the same one I had gotten many tickets in and was eventually towed from – it just kind of clicked.  Why am I thinking these things? The place I am now in life is so much better than where I was years ago. Even two years ago.  I have a family now – I am a wife and a mother and I am so happy. Nothing in my past can compare to the joy I’ve felt and the love I have now. So what if it’s taken me an extra semester of school to finish.  So what.  I should be proud of how far I’ve come and how much I’ve changed for the better.  I should be thankful that I have the opportunity to still finish college while being able to stay home with Zoey all day. How could I think such selfish thoughts?

On the way home listening to The Drive – Coldplay came on.  I found myself singing along and trying to decipher what the lyrics meant.  When was the last time I listened to Coldplay?  When was the last time I actually paid enough attention to a song to interpret it?  Coldplay used to be one of my favorite bands in college – when I met Paul we would listen to them all the time!  And there I was.  Singing at the top of my lungs to the radio, driving a little too fast and not worried about a thing.  I wasn’t trying to peek in the mirror to see what Zoey was doing, I wasn’t thinking about all of the laundry and dishes that needed to be done or plans for the next day.  I felt like me again – with a little less responsibility – and it felt good.  

There will be times that I crave the “carefree” life I once lived – and now I realize that’s okay.  Who knew all it took was a little Viva La Vida.  I knew I was still in there somewhere.

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3 Responses to “A New Perspective”

  1. etosia September 2, 2011 at 10:38 am #

    I totally get where your coming from as I feel exactly the same way at times. I used to be the social girl at the gym and would jam out to my iPhone without a care and now im the one who doesn’t have time to socialize because the nursery only keeps Rylin for 60 min. Thanks for putting this out there its good to know its a normal thing and I’m not alone!

  2. amy September 5, 2011 at 1:13 am #

    Love this meg – you are a good writer. I also remember those carefree days as the most fun of my life – and yet they don’t compare to the joy that my family gives me. I guess growing up is kind of bittersweet.

  3. Cami September 5, 2011 at 8:54 am #

    I think it’s normal to get those feelings, and you’ve articulated them well, Meg. As long as you always recognize that your current life is different but better than your previous one (because it is!), I think it’s ok to think that stuff every once in a while.

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